Laughs

WHY GOD MADE MOMS : Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

 Why did God make mothers?

1.  She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2.  Mostly to clean the house.

3.  To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?

1.  He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2.  Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3.  God made my mom just the same like he made me.  He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?

1.  God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2.  They had to get their start from men's bones.  Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1.  We're related.

2.  God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.
What kind of a little girl was your mom?

1.  My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

2.  I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3.  They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1.  His last name.

2.  She had to know his background.  Like is he a crook?  Does he get drunk on beer?

3.  Does he make at least $800 a year?  Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?

1.  My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world.  And my mom eats a lot.

2.  She got too old to do anything else with him.

3.  My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?

1.  Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.

2.  Mom.  You can tell by room inspection.  She sees the stuff under the bed.

3.  I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?

1.  Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.

2.  Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3.  Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.

4.  Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?

1.  Mothers don't do spare time.

2.  To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1.  On the inside she's already perfect.  Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2.  Diet.  You know, her hair.  I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

1.  She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.  I'd get rid of that.

2.  I'd make my mom smarter.  Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.

3.  I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head. 

Things children say - Mr. Roy Harrison:
A child's prayer:  "Thank you God, for making the rain so that the flowers can grow.  Thanks for making the sun so we can play in the sand.  Can you please make some more goldfish?  There are no more in the pet-shop and ours died."
A child had prayed for her cat who was limping.  The next morning the cat was still limping.  "Oh, Oh, she said, "I prayed for the wrong leg."
A little girl was learning to ride a bike, so she prayed:  "And, Lord, if you'll give me a push, I'll do the peddling."

A boy’s description of the creation of man:  “God made them all without glue or nails or anything.”

The offering plate was passed and the little 4-year old whispered to her father:  “Don’t pay for me, Dad.  Remember, I am under five.”

 A child explaining what her mother did:  “Mummy takes the flowers to people who are sick after the sermon.”

 A father was showing his boy around the church when he pointed to a plague:  “This was put up in memory of all the brave men who died in the service”  “Morning or evening?” asked the boy.

GOEIE RAAD! Jare gelede was daar  in “die Huisgenoot” ‘n brief geplaas in Murray Janson se rubriek waar mense kon raad vra.  Die brief is ingestuur deur ‘n ou oom wat saam met sy vrou pas ingetrek het in ‘n aftree-oord. 

Die ou oom  vra dat Murray Janson vir hom moet raad gee vir sy probleem.  Hy is een van baie min mans in die aftree-oord en die vrouens is baie vriendelik met hom en hy help hulle waar hy kan.  Nou het hy die probleem dat sy vrou sy tande wegsteek sodat hy moet wegbly van die vrouens!

Murray Janson se raad is die volgende:  “Oom, ek dink oom het ‘n baie slim vrou, want sy is bang oom byt meer af as wat oom kan kou!”

What love is:
'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'  


 A Sunday School teacher was teaching the group about prayer and asked a child, “What does your father say before supper?”  The child answered:  “Take it easy on the butter, kids.”

A child witnessing:  “God is greater than Superman, Batman and the Lone Ranger put together.”

 A boy had been praying for a bicycle.  About that time a baby sister was born into the family.  So he explained to God:  “I got a sister instead of a bike.  Maybe some other child wanted a sister and got a bike.  Is there any chance we can keep the girl and get me a bike, too?

 “Now children,” said the teacher, “Let’s get to work and make this the best Christmas ever.”  A small child answered, “Please teacher, I don’t see how we can improve on the first one.”
(Mr. Roy Harrison)


What Love means to a 4-8 year old . . ...

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toe nails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'

Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'

Terri - age 4

Things children say: - Mr. Roy Harrison
 The teacher asked her Sunday School class:  “Who was not very pleased when the prodigal son returned home?” A little boy raised his hand and said:  “Please Miss, was it the fatted calf?”

A child’s prayer:  “God, please watch over my mother, my father, my dog and the R2.50 – I’ve hidden in my room.”

Another prayer:  “Oh Lord, you know my Daddy is going to town tomorrow and if there are any nails or glass or stuff like that on the road and Daddy comes along, you push them off.  And, if you have to, after Daddy goes by, you can push them on again.”

Another prayer: “Thank you for the Daddy’s who make the money and for the Mummy’s who spend the money”

Another prayer:  “Dear God, take care of Mummy and Daddy and my little sister and Grandma and please, God, take care of yourself, because if anything happen to you, we’re all sunk.”

 A child’s mother had said to her 7-year old son that he could not go to the church picnic the next day because he had misbehaved.  In the morning she relented and said he could go.  The child took the news quietly.  The mother asked, “What’s the matter? Don’t you want to go to the picnic?”  He sighed, “It’s too late, Mum, I’ve already prayed for rain.”


 Toe ons oudste seun 'n seuntjie van 4 was, het hy een aand met huisgodsdiens herhaal wat my man gebid het en dit so weergegee:
Pappa: "Hemelse Vader, wees met ons almal as ons kerktoe gaan"
Francois: "Hemelse Vader, wees met almal as ons kerktoe gaan"
Pappa: "Help vir Pappa met die preek"
Francois: "Help vir Pappa met die preek"
Pappa: "Help vir die mense om mooi te luister"
Francois: "Help vir die mense om mooi te luister" en toe voeg hy uit sy eie by: "En Jesus as hul nie wil luister nie, kap hul sommer met 'n hammer op die kop!"

Kleuters vergroot dikwels!  

Klein Jannie het van die tuin af ingehardloop gekom en vir sy ma vertel dat hy ‘n leeu in die tuin gesien het.  Sy ma betig hom en sê:  “Jannie, jy moenie so jok nie, gaan na jou kamer en sê vir Jesus jy is jammer dat jy so gejok het.”  Hy is toe ewe gehoorsaam kamer toe en kom na ‘n tyd met ‘n breë glimlag terug.

“Wat nou?”, wou sy ma weet. 

Ewe onskuldig antwoord Jannie:  ”Jesus sê Hy het ook gedink dit is ‘n leeu”. 

Spreuke 17:22 "'n Vrolike mens is 'n gesonde mens, 'n neerslagtige mens raak uitgeput."

IT IS GOOD TO LAUGH!

Laughter brings the focus away from anger, guilt, stress and negative emotions and thoughts. It  makes you cheerful and puts you in a positive frame of mind.  Humor can give us a more light-hearted perspective and help us view events as “challenges,” thereby making them less threatening and more positive.

Laughter is contagious, so if you bring more laughter into your life, you can most likely help others around you laugh more. By elevating the mood of those around you, you can diminish their stress levels, and possibly improve the quality of social interaction you experience with them, reducing your stress level even more!

What’s even better is that the more you smile, the more others will too. To smile and laugh you do not need a certain language – everybody understands it!!

Laughter is free, you do not need to pay anything for it!!

I enjoy laughing and watch the “just for laughs asia.hahaha.com” often on internet.
 

Storie van vrou in kerk: Daar was eendag ‘n predikant wat tydens sy preek, kort-kort hoor hoe ‘n vrou agter in die kerk met ‘n kwaai stem sê: “Dan vriet djy dit op”!  Na die diens, stap hy na haar en vra wat aangaan.  Haar antwoord was:  “Nee, dominee, net soos ek lekker sit en luister na die boodskap, kom die duiwel en sê vir my die stoof by jou huis se oond is nog aan en as jy daar kom, sal al die kos verbrand wees!”  “Dan vererg ek my vir hom en sê: “Dan vriet djy dit op!””

'n Paar blapse uit kerke se afkondigingslyste:

Vir alle ma's wat klein kindertjies het en dit nie weet nie - ons het 'n moederskamer net langs die kerk.

Die blomme in die kerk sal geskenk word aan diegene wat siek is na die erediens.

Volgende week word die kerkraadsvergadering Woensdag om sewe-uur gehou, en die predikant van Sondag is in die konsistorie opgeplak.

Basaarafkondiging: Almal welkom! Kom gerus as jy niks aanhet nie en kom deel in die pret.

Ons gemeente gaan vanaand lekker melkskommels in die kerksaal drink, sal alle vroue wat melk skenk asseblief reeds om 18h00 daar wees.

Ons het vanaand 'n byeenkoms in beide die oostelike vleuel en die westelike vleuel van ons kerkgebou. Babas sal beide kante gedoop word.

Alle vrouelidmate kom Woensdag die elfde in die biblioteeksaal bymekaar vir 'n praatjie oor die hemel. Hoe jy daar kan kom? Vervoer is beskikbaar om 19h00 vanaf die bushalte oorkant die hotel.

Eerskomende Sondag sal daar 'n spesiale kooruitvoering wees, waarna die kerk gesluit sal wees vir herstelwerk.

'n Nuwe luidsprekersisteem is in die kerk geinstalleer. Dit is 'n geskenk deur een van ons gemeentelede ter herinnering aan sy vrou...

Weight Watchers het weer vanaand hulle byeenkoms in die saal. Gebruik asseblief die dubbeldeure van die syingang.

November die negentiende om tienuur. Oggenddiens : Ds. Bruwer - Die wereld se grootste probleem

THE MOMMY TEST I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up
something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the
item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
"Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been,
it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and
asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
"Uh," ...I was thinking quickly,"All moms know this stuff. It's on
the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was
evidently pondering this new information.
"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you
have to be the daddy"
"Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my
heart.

Questions about mothers and answers given by children:
What ingredients are mothers made of?
God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
 Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?  God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
 What does your mom do in her spare time?  Mothers don't do spare time.
 If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
 I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

 

Life Lessons My Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that that stain will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that’s why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA .
"You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY .
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do."
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
My mother taught me Extra Sensory Perception.
"Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?"
My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."
My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don "t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up."
My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You’re just like your father."
My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you’ll understand."
My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.

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